Awkward: Nancy Pelosi Turned Down For Jury Duty - Goes On Drunken Rant Instead

Nancy Pelosi showed up in Hollywood County Court this morning ready to be the most important person ever to grace the halls. The problem is, this is Hollywood. These halls have seen legends who wouldn’t recognize Nancy Pelosi from any other common 80-year-old woman wielding inscrutable power.

Marilyn Monroe. Ike Turner. Bob Newhart. The Fonz, before his passing. Nobody cared that Nancy Big-Shot Pelosi was at the door and nobody in that town ever will. Nancy’s answer was to relapse into her alcoholism, buying 8 nips of tequila from the guy running the taco truck outside, putting her in the perfect position to make a fool of herself.

According to Courtroom reporter, Art Tubolls, the exchange was — interesting:

“Speaker Pelosi was calling the prosecutor names, I think, and inferring that the entire SoCal law system is inherently racist and designed to keep young, black men in jail. We’re fairly certain they have us confused with Louisiana, but we’re always willing to listen. We let inmates smoke weed, FFS.

Anyway, you could barely understand her, because she kept chewing her face and making that weird clicking noise.”

According to witnesses who may or may not have been present this morning, Pelosi then grabbed the mic from the witness stand and went into the room to rant, making the sign of the Black Panther and calling for the end of oppression.

It’s time the Pelosi family finds a nice pasture for her to graze.

About Flagg Eagleton-Patriot 171 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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