I know what many of you are thinking. “Oh God, not the gas prices again.” Well, you know, if the conservative plankton gulpers are going to continue to blame Biden, Satan, and probably Aunt Jemima for the high gas prices, we’re going to continue to make them look like the idiots they are.
For the 9,245,338th time, the President has nothing to do with the price of gasoline. Cancelling a pipeline that wasn’t even built yet did absolutely nothing. Are prices higher than last year? Of course. Last year and the year before, we weren’t driving. Supply and demand, red hat dipshit.
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi this morning, had a press conference in front of the Ice Cream Princess Building in sunny San Francisco, and deftly fielded questions from the media regarding gas, shortages, and inflation.
“Oh, sorry, Dumbplorables. Are the wittle gassy wassy prices too high for you? Get on a bike. Or a bus. Can’t find that half and half you’re desperately searching for for your morning coffee? Try milk. Just this once. You won’t die. You can sue me if you do, okay?”
“And inflation is here, yes. Again, because the entire country had to shut down because of the Trump Plague. In fact, most of the world. All of this is world wide. Please, enlighten me about how Joe Biden caused all of this in France. Where gas is much higher, by the way.”
Biden did not appear at the conference, although he did ride his own bike up a ramp and over sixteen busses to celebrate the Speaker’s remarks.
“You try jumping busses in a Volvo,” Biden laughed. “Start em up, flatheads.”
Sandy Batt of Hayward, California, still wasn’t convinced because it took twenty dollars for her to go to the air-conditioned supermarket where she’s comfortable and free to buy the garbage they sell her.
“Biden has destroyed this country,” she intoned monosyllabically. “It was better back in the days when black people didn’t own property.” She then passed away.