Seven Major Banks Will Not Accept ‘Trump Checks’


Are you one of many proud citizens of America excited by the President’s announcement of checks to be distributed to all Americans starting from one thousand dollars a person to help offset the economic hardships the current pandemic crisis?  Its almost like a beautiful attempt to buy an apology by sending you your own money, isn’t it? Well, hold on to that thought.

Nothing says “I’m sorry grandma’s in an iron lung” like a month’s worth of free groceries!

Seven of the country’s largest banking conglomerates have already announced that they want nothing to do with these payments, and will strictly deny their funds.  These institutions include the First National Bank of Murca, Wells-Neargo, Eagleton Mutual, and Uncle Stubby’s Cash 4 Broads, among the opposed.  Joe Barron, Banking Czar of the World Money Sock explained why:

“The problem is President Trump’s terrible background of financial fraud.  Currently, literally no one in the country will take a check from him , personal or otherwise.  Time has taught anyone in the American financial world that Trump’s checks bounce like Dolly Parton working a jackhammer.  You might as well try to use Monopoly money.  No bank will come anywhere near them.  And it doesn’t help that he supposedly has the government backing them.  He’s persona non grata.”

It’s a big step down from being persona zenyatta mondata.

Although Trump had planned to have the free socialist money released within the next two weeks, the refusal of major institutions to treat them as legal tender will no doubt delay their release, possibly even scuttle the entire endeavor.  But knowing our President, he’ll manage to coordinate some sort of con job to get his way.