The American political landscape has finally gotten to the point of a prelude to a professional wrestling match. With *President Trump’s usual adolescent rage tweeting and name calling now being matched by Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s remarks, particularly her recent description of the bulbous commander being “morbidly obese”, we have truly entered the age of Bickering Ninnies. But now, Pelosi has taken her threats to a new height, demanding that Trump be tested for drug use on a weekly basis.
An additional point to her demand is that the testing be performed by an independent physician of her explicit approval. Pelosi is convinced that the *President’s own doctors are too afraid to reveal anything truthful about the bag-of-jelloish urine enthusiast. Congressional aide Sandy Batt explained:
“Mrs. Pelosi rightly believes that Mr. Trump receiving a clean bill of health from his own paid personal health care staff is an outright lie, especially since anyone with a television and at least one functioning eye can tell the man is fattier than the breakfast buffet at Gilbert Grape’s mom’s house. And he admitted to taking some random drug which might interact with the adderall we all know he’s snorting like Charlie Sheen on the set of an 80’s movie. Drugs are the only explanation for how someone can be so confident and stupid all at the same time. We feel the American public should be kept apprised when their leader is a plump-rumped junkie. Its a matter of national security.”
Trump has, in his personal life, always attempted to present an image of an alcohol free and chemically independent billionaire, with a penchant only for Soviet prostitute bladder busting. But with the Speaker’s newest edict attracting a lot of positive buzz in White House circles, it might be just a matter of time until the truth comes out. Like a terminally frustrated Mike Pence at a spyhole in a firestation shower room.
*Impeached