Nancy Pelosi’s Husband Serves Her With a Restraining Order For ‘His Own Safety’

Maxwell Durham Pelosi, the man forced to take his wife’s name when he married her, has finally had enough. After an incident in their San Dimas home that led to Nancy spending a week in a hotel, Mr. Pelosi is finally taking a stand.

His attorney, Michael Avenatti, told us in an email we may or may not have imagined:

“Nancy Pelosi has been beating and emotionally torturing this man since he married her 9 years ago. There’s a reason she’s on her 5th husband. She drinks non-stop and throws weighted coasters around like little frisbee missiles. She calls him “Little Dick.” It’s almost as if humiliating him by making him abandon his former family and three kids to take her name and watch her house while she’s gone wasn’t enough.”

Pelosi refuses to answer questions on the matter, saying that what she does at home or outside the office is “off-limits” to media scrutiny.

The order, signed by federal Judge Art Tubolls, guarantees Mr. Pelosi that his psycho wife won’t show up at their home unexpectedly. According to a source close to the family, he’s strongly considering divorce:

“Max says his pre-nup comes with a ‘scrotum clause,’ meaning if he leaves for no plausible reason other than he suddenly doesn’t like being the M to her S. She has always maintained control of everything. If he leaves, he’ll do so with the clothes on his back, walking to the nearest bus station.”

It seems like ruining the rest of your life to be able to live free of the Pelosi name would be well worth it.

About Flagg Eagleton 83 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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