There has been a lot of speculation surrounding President Trump’s decision not to throw out the first pitch at a New York Yankees game. According to the White House, the President is just too busy to attend.
Our sources, however, tell a different story. An anonymous aide to the Vice-President’s wife said that the Oval Office got word of an assassination plot designed by none other than Antifa targeting the President while on the mound:
“Antifa was planning on putting 2 snipers on the Chrysler Building, which has a clear shot into Yankee Stadium. The Soros-backed organization reportedly leased out the entire 78th floor to slow the Secret Service response time and give the assassins a reasonable way to escape.
“Our sources tell us they were planning on using those mini parachutes to base jump from the roof, which would technically be a floor below them.
“It was a bold plan.”
Rather than trying to secure the whole area, the Secret Service recommended to the President that he cancel the event and focus on safer activities.
The leader of Antifa is currently under investigation, but the Justice Department is having a hard time nailing down evidence:
“One major issue we’re having is that nobody actually invited him there, so it’s difficult to know how Antifa got such detailed layouts of the event. We’ve know for years about the issues with Chrysler Building. Hinkley’s first attempt to shoot Reagan was going to be at Yankee Stadium, but he ended up at a screening of Contact that day.
“From here we’ll just have to watch the Antifas closely and keep them a safe distance from the White House.”
The historic mansion is already surrounded by enough fencing and barricades to keep any American from thinking their government is accessible, so a few more layer of protection shouldn’t matter.
The Oval Office is looking at plans for a new dome over the building after Trump calls off the November election and just assumes control indefinitely.
It’s a great time to be an American, patriots.