Pelosi Cancels All Further Trump Rallies, Denies Funding


*President Trump’s amazing rally in Tulsa was an incredible event that scores of attendees described as “a once-in-a-lifetime experience.”  Well thanks to Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi this week, that description may be a sad reality.  The absolute controller of Washington’s pursestrings, Wah-ncy Nancy has suddenly decided to completely deny all funding for further rallies, calling them : “Too dangerous to Americans during this time of Trumpian pandemic concerns.”

Yet this monstrosity continues to chug along, literally putting human beings into brain comas on a daily basis. Get on it, woman!

The rallies are specifically designed by the *President to serve as campaign advertisements combined with ginning up his klan-like base of racists, backwards drunken sheep rapers, and seniors unwittingly cheering to have the republican party drive them to bowls of Alpo during their twilight years.  Pelosi claims that gathering the country’s bottom feeding dipshit contingent all together while the Coronavirus that Trump failed to control is surging, is a threat to national security.  Sandy Batt of the Department of Homeland Basket Weaving explained further.

“The Speaker feels that, although it wouldn’t be that great of a loss to America to ventilate hundreds or thousands of Trump supporting waddle-bots with first grade educations and kanker sores on their genetalia, when it comes down to it, they’re still civilian lives.  Nobody needs to be at one of these rallies to see that unstable sack of spoiled tapioca blather on and on about imaginary “Antifa” threats and how Twitter made him urinate on himself in a corner.  It’s not an essential gathering.  We have an irresponsible President, so someone has to step in and be the grown up.  These morons can stay home safely and watch ‘American History X’ over and over if they need spank bank material.”

“Personally, ah prefer anythin’ with that luscious bon bon Liam Hemsworth. Mmm. Ragnarok mah showah stall, God of thundah!”

The rallies average in the millions of dollars a pop, including security, rental fees, and cadres of professional drool moppers, a cost Pelosi claims is “radically wasted money.”  But I guess in her eyes, gallons of vodka and fancy pants ice cream aren’t.