Pelosi Announces Cuts to Social Security


With the spectre of inflation sitting high on the United State’s proverbial hog, one might think that a little relief might come to those of us citizens on a fixed income.  Money to compensate for the rising costs of food, shelter, naked bingo nights at Shifty’s.

No worries, HE’LL cover the overhead on THAT one.

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi has other plans.  After the seeming demise of President Joe Biden’s Build Back Better twenty-trillion dollar bill, she’s found alternative funding.

That funding is the third rail of politics, Social Security, and Madame Ice Cream is once again, yanking away the pennies from those of us who can barely afford bon bons and rascal scooters.

From the steps of Sandy Batt’s House of Blumpkins yesterday morning, Pelosi outlined her sinister plan to leave a certain segment of the population face-down in their Ramen and Alpo food bowls.

“I’m announcing my newest bill, called Build Back Better on Boomer’s Backs.  We will be borrowing some money to cover it from the social security fund’s payout system.

What it amounts to is that every SSI check will be reduced by about half.  Learn what you really need, kids.  Johnny College needs his loan wiped away.”

The funding will be applied to a new jobs and “miscellaneous” bill, which will provide thousands of shovel-ready employment opportunities as well as college loan forgiveness and congressional pay raises.

“Thank Jesus. I’m needing way way more blow.”

It’s time for many Americans to tighten up their belts and reach down to pull up on their bootstraps.  No one is going to pay for your retirement except you, it seems.  Oh, the humanity.