Trump Officially Announces 2024 Run


Unpack your truck flags and dust off those MAGA caps!  Donald Trump has just announced that he will indeed run for Presidential office in 2024!

A video just released on Trump’s brand new social media site Porker shows the icon descending a golden escalator down the center of the sewage claiming facility underneath the Bronx, New York.  Trump is flanked by his lovely bride Melania and cohort Joe Barron in the release.

“Sir? Will you touch my dolly’s oyster ditch?”

At the foot of the escalator stood a small lecturn with a Fisher Price sing-along microphone and a few squishy toys, which the once and future Prez grabbed excitedly before the announcement.

“Thank you everyone, all of you people…the black people, especially.  You blacks are the ones who will put me over the top with your amazing dunk shots and drugs.”

Trump basked in the applause of nearly thirteen onlookers and idly turned a fidgit spinner before continuing.

“Joe Biden cheated me out of my last win.  And that’s a crime.  So I’m officially announcing that I’m running again.  In 2024.  This time, I’ll make America great again.  If great is stupid, morally reprehensible, completely corrupt, and incompetent.  Thank you.”

Trump then waved to his cheering admirers, wiping drool off the face of the closest, and began climbing back up the escalator alone, which was going down, so it took a few minutes before an aide came to lead him away to a door.

Melania remained smiling and waving at the podium for an additional three hours until a sewer employee asked her for a cigarette.