Trump Endorses GOP’s New ‘Mandatory Patriotism’ Bill: ‘Let’s Make This A Law’

President Trump is putting the full weight of his office behind a new “Mandatory Patriotism” bill he hopes to make a law. The bill, which makes America about as great as it’s ever been, changes nothing about the US Constitution or the Bill of Rights. All it does is puts some safeguards in place that make sure American pride and respect are first and foremost in the free world.

Leading the fight is White House Director of Information and Propaganda, Gerard “Spuds” DeTater, who replaced Art Tubolls last night as Trump’s go-to spokesman for internet publishing. According to a pre-release of the official statement, the changes would be simple yet effective:

“In order to be truly free, we have to first be secure. To be secure, we have to believe in ourselves. Therefore, we have to make some simple changes that will ensure that the future generations will grow up with respect for Trump’s America.”

The changes proposed are:

  • Burning any version of the American Flag, including the Confederate Flag, will be illegal.
  • The Pledge of Allegiance will be read AND recited by every student in every school in the country, without question. Failure could result in legal consequences.
  • The National Anthem is a hallowed song that memorializes our honored dead and brings us together under a single unifying principle: We are all free. Therefore, when the song is played, all headdress must be removed, regardless of why you wear it, you will stand, and you will sing along.
  • Protests at Presidential rallies that are NOT campaign-related are no longer “free speech.” It’s domestic terrorism and that’s all there is to it. Americans have a 1st Amendment right to say what they want, but they can’t do it anywhere they want. Not when it hurts America.

Those are a pretty fair set of rules for making sure this country treats the flag and our troops with the respect they deserve.

About Flagg Eagleton 27 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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