Alternate-Universe Joe ‘Buckaroo’ Biden Saves World, Polling at 96%

UNBELIEVABLE!

Earth 212 is a strange and exciting place.  Although it is similar to our Earth and Universe in many ways, it differs just enough to challenge one’s sense of the fantastical.  For example, on 212, Tesla is the best-selling car company on the planet, a strain of the spice cumin was found to cure cancer, and Prince and Tom Petty are still alive while thankfully, Phil Collins has passed away.  Also, Joe Biden, 2020 Presidential candidate, is a shoo-in.

On Earth 212, Brett Kavanaugh was too drunk to take his bar exam, and is currently the custodian at a toilet brush factory. He literally scrubs toilet brushes with other brushes.

Known to his world as “Buckaroo Biden”, the hard-charging celebrity was born to physicist parents, and became a physicist himself, as well as an explorer, daredevil, surgeon, and rock star.  Travelling the nation on campaign with his loyal band of “Delaware Deadeyes”, Biden responded to two attempts at world domination, first from Lectroids, bent on stealing his Oscillation Ovithruster device to send Earth reeling, and then again from the World Crime League who attempted to destroy the planet with a giant potato gun stationed on the moon.  Biden and his band saved the day in both cases.  He is now polling at 96% country wide against alternate 212 Donald Trump, who was rendered unable to move or speak by venereal diseases in 2017.

He has also been frozen in this position since then. One time Pence drew dicks all over his cheeks.

While it seems that this version of Vice President Biden is vastly different from our more sedate candidate, some scientists believe a slight quantum entanglement effect could bolster Regular Biden’s chances.  At this point, most Democrats are probably more than willing to strap Uncle Joe into a jet car just to see if it would make an impression.

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