After the first two Democratic caucuses seemed to portay a system akin to a juggling clown act at Barnum & Bailey’s circus, it appears that nature itself has thrown another wrench in the works of their plans to unseat America’s Oatmealiest President Donald Trump. Caucus headquarters in Sorosville, Nevada has been quarantined by the C.D.C. for suspicion of the presence of the deadly Coronavirus.
How the virus may have infiltrated the American town remains known only to disease control specialists and goverenment investigators. However Democratic aide Lewis Colon spoke to the Daily Nevadan Queeferino during a stay in Las Vegas where he unfortunately, missed out on riding a giant mechanical dick:
“Well, it hasn’t been made public or anything, but I think we all know where it came from. Speaker Pelosi took a break from organizing the caucus and setting everything up because she wanted Chinese food. Apparently, she used Air Force Two to jet over to Shanghai because she needed to have something : ‘authentic.’ She did mention that her food server was foaming at the mouth and stumbling, but she thought that’s just what ‘those people do’. I’m pretty sure that right there is your Patient Zero.”
The entire area encompassing the Democratic headquarters has been cordoned off by fence and covered with hermetic tenting. No one is to enter or leave except for hazmat-suited officials. An alert was issued early this morning when Senator Bernie Sanders accidentally breached a protective barrier after crawling out of his sleeping quarters and searching for : “A little nosh, maybe a nice sandwich or kugala.” He was gently returned to his cot and rendered unconscious with a dose of thorazine.
For his part, contending Senator Joe Biden has taken caution into his own hands, having his campaign staff wrap him tightly from head to foot in saran plastic coating and volunteering to stay confined within a 7 foot by 5 foot port-a-potty facility until such time as he is tested negative. It certainly seems as if someone “up there” has something against the Democratic party…or is unleashing a microscopic army to follow behind the victory of Donald Trump.