The scene at the Trump Plaza Hotel in Manhattan yesterday was one of panic, confusion, and outrage as fifty-two health department officials descended on the landmark, ushering all guests and employees out and declaring the entire structure closed for operation. When Plaza management asked to see warrants for the closure, inspectors produced eight – each one signed by a federal judge – and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.
The hotel was operating at near-full capacity, with an Arabian delegation in town who had purchased the entire third and fourth floors. Health inspector Jose Barron read a list of violations to journalists:
“The structure is riddled with mice, the especially infectious Syphalisia-rodentia variety which carry, among other parasites, the verminous toupee crab. Several of the water lines are backed up from the sewer inlet, and the entire structure’s air has tested positive for blumpkin gas. These violations alone make it a level 8 containment protocol. We have no choice but to vacate and shut down the building.”
A Fox News reporter who once ate horsemeat with Sean Hannity in a Thailand brothel asked Speaker Pelosi why her signature appeared on the warrants :
“The President doesn’t seem willing or able to stop violating the emoluments clause of the constitution. So, I decided to stop him myself. That’s just the first of many. Hopefully, by the time he’s impeached and out, he’ll be broke and homeless too. You don’t mess with the Pelosi. The Pelosi will roll over your balls. Count on it.”
President Trump’s lawyers have been dispatched to deal with the situation, but judging by Rudy Giuliani, they’ll be about as effective as a fart in a hurricane