Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi made dubious history this week after she announced that Congress would begin a formal inquiry into the possible impeachment of President Trump. The stunning move sent reverberations through the White House, with many aides rushing to scrub their resumes of mentions of their time with the administration, as well as reports of the repeated playing of Katy Perry’s song “Firework” eminating from Mike Pence’s office.
Pelosi however, possibly sensing the true magnitude of her deeds is offering up a compromise to the embattled President : She will persuade Congress to take impeachment off the table in exchange for the passing of a bill granting amnesty to all undocumented immigrants currently within the country. She also reminded the Commander-in-Queef that his predecessor Ronald Reagan performed a similar action with the blessings of the Republican party.
Many believe that such a compromise would soil the underpants of Trump’s already fully-dingleberried base before the 2020 election. These are the same witless ass-scratching chiba monkeys however, that also believe impeaching the criminal President would lead to a “second civil war”, during which they would march across the land tripping over discarded Piels beer cans while aiming muskets at liberal spies or something. Either way, it’s likely that they’ll end up like Sarah Huckabee’s mattress: beaten, lonely, and covered with animal urine.
Will President Trump bow to Pelosi’s Devil’s Bargain? It’s hard to predict. The Donald has built a professional con artistry career out of doing the unexpected. All that’s for certain is that Bob was shot down for making a meme containing butt plugs.