After a morning of speculation awaiting an announcement by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, the silence has broken. President Donald Trump is to be impeached for committing a series of high crimes and misdemeanors against the United States.
Laying out the details, Pelosi stated that articles of impeachment have been officially filed, and hearings are to begin as soon as next Monday. Hearings will feature administration officials, criminal witnesses, and legal experts specializing in constitutional law. Hillary Clinton has also requested to be present, giving a brief statement to assembled media :
“That traitorous bastard cheated his way through the election, spread lies about me, President Obama, and anyone who made him cry. It’s about time we flush the human turd down the toilet and be done with it.”
The President has not yet responded to the news, but rumor has it that he’s seeking better legal representation than Rudy Giuliani, who is to lawyers what mud is to food.