Following Trend, Producers Retire ‘Count Chocula’ Icon


Following behind the discontinuation of Aunt Jemima as a fictional mascot after outcry by Black Lives Matter officials and liberal celebrities for being “racially insensitive”, a second animated character will now be relegated to his own crunchy coffin with the stake of political correctness rammed firmly through his heart.  Count Alfred Chocula, longtime classic cereal pitch-vampire has been axed for, reportedly, “sending a bad message to children about eastern European stereotypes.”

“Vee are not all monstairs. Many of us only make for drink the blood because vater infected by black lagoon creature. “

Joe Barron, the director of diabetic cuisine at General Mills, the cereal’s parent company, spoke to Mascot Lives Matter magazine about the decision.

“After the aunt Jemima thing, it occurred to us that we too, should clean up our house of racism and bigotry.  We’re still in negotiations about what to do with Frankenberry, who some see as a cartoonish and stereotypical example of gay people.  But Alfred Chocula was a clear besmirchment of Eastern Europeans as all being ‘sinister bloodsuckers’.  Add into that, the character’s dark complexion and the use of the semi-offensive label ‘chocolate’, and you have a clear case for abandoning the icon and leading America and it’s children’s breakfasts into the 21st century.  Booberry is safe.  Doesn’t bother anyone.  I mean, except the people who might be allergic to the llama urine we use in the blue dye.  But, I mean, outwardly.   He’s okay.”

To this day, many 24-Hour Fitness personal trainers still have averse reactions to the ground turtle legs that make up 90% of Zima.

Hideously unhealthy ingredients aside, is this new and growing trend of allowing political correctness to eliminate some of our most visible commercial characters an overreaction?  Are Aunt Jemima and the Count the most updated and petty versions of confederate soldier statues being unceremoniously destroyed to ease the consciences of a few liberal Prius drivers?  And when will Donald Trump tweet about it? I’m sure the answer to that last question is : “during his after dinner adderall binge.”

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