CNN Cancels Plans For Streaming Service After Chris Wallace Show Flops

It looks like CNN didn’t think things through. After Chris Wallace’s horrible test show, the network has canceled its plans for a new streaming service with Wallace as its main draw.

Unfortunately, not enough people are willing to watch a guy that said the things he said about our President that Wallace did. He was rude and unprofessional during the debates, and the American people won’t easily forget.

CNN made the mistake of building a basket, labeling Wallace their golden egg, and putting him in there all by himself. When the goose comes home, the gander diversifies. It’s just the way it goes.

Fox News was also considering a streaming service, but after seeing CNN’s horrible showing, Rupert Murdoch canceled it immediately. “We don’t need a service our audience has to learn to use,” said Murdoch. “Most of them still have a blinking VCR in a guest room somewhere.”

That’s true. A recent study by the Christian United National Trust Service says that more than 74 percent of boomers can’t perform simple tasks on a smartphone, never mind adjusting the time on a VCR from 1987.

CNN reportedly lost nearly $100 million after this little shtick went down in flames. Their stock has tanked and shareholders have been asked to write checks to keep the network afloat.

That’s what you get for hating America.

About Flagg Eagleton-Patriot 137 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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