The United States and, indeed, the rest of the civilized world are reeling at *President Donald Trump’s announcement that he may have to postpone the November 2020 election due to what he imagines will be widespread voter fraud. Unfortunately, his ridiculously communist plan may have been hatched far too late, as over 75 million mail-in ballots have already been sent out to the registered voting public.
Does Trump have reason to worry about a voting fraud problem that has never in history existed? We asked Joe Barron, head of the Organized Ballot Ease Society Executing Formulaic Unity Concerning Kittens for his take. What do the experts at O.B.E.S.E.F.U.C.K. think?
“Its pretty obvious that as the most incompetent and murderous dickhead to ever sully the oval office, Trump knows he’s going to lose the election in a landslide. He’s trying to start cheating now. There is absolutely no fraud ever recorded from mail-in voting. It doesn’t work that way. Nobody is going to wait in front of someone else’s mailbox for a ballot to arrive, somehow legally change the name on it and reregister with a new name and the same address, wait for a new voter ID number, falsify a computer-generated security code, fill out the form and send it in, thereby risking federal prison for ONE vote. Ironically, the only people that hideously stupid are Trump’s cult of DNA defects. Plus, he doesn’t have the authority. He’s too dumb to know that too. It would really just be best to toss his dementia-riddled ass out now before we have to deal with paying for his desperately needed lobotomy and treason trial.”
Sending out the ballots early was the brainchild idea of Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. The San Francisco lawmaker told the media it was a given in her eyes.
“Yes, I figured the dumb piece of shit would try something like this. It’s not going to happen. The very second he loses, we’re sending in an all-black and Latino crew with forklifts and tasers to remove that idiot by force. Whether it’s necessary or not.”