Trump To Send All Citizens ‘American Loyalty’ Pledge


As America’s most powerful and patriotic American, President Donald Trump has finally decided to unite the country behind him during this most trying of times.  Drafting his own historic legislation dubbed the “I Love My Country” Act, our Commander in chief intends to have the Department of Homeland Security draw up a pledge for every citizen to sign of his or her free will, confirming loyalty to their Government, their President, and the United States.

That’s right China. We do this shit to onions. Don’t be jelly.

New White House press secretary Blondie Bumstead explained the specifics of the Pledge :

“Just to be clear, all Americans are free to sign or not sign the Pledge of their own free will.  There are no penalties.  However, those who do demonstrate their love and loyalty to their country will receive tax advantages, certain immunities to some less essential laws, and some lax enforcement regarding regulations and restrictions.  As a reward, you could say.  No penalties, all rewards.  There’s no downside.”

“Also, I totally won’t lie to you, like that hunchback girl. She’s really nice though. Oops, there’s one.”

Joe Barron of left-wing organization “Move Your Ass On” disagrees:

“Okay, I know in the past, we’ve done a lot of comparing Trump to Hitler.  Yes.  But tell me this whole signing a loyalty oath isn’t just a little bit Hitlerian.   It’s literally, the mark of a dictator.  I need to speak to the Trump supporters out there - is this not too far for you now?  Are you all right with this?  Do you now or have you ever known what this country is?  I know.  The answer is going to be ‘Trump 2020.’  You’re all morons.”

The Act is due to have the President’s signature and be passed through both houses by Independence Day this year, with the pledges themselves to be mailed out soon afterwards.  It’s just patriotic to sign them.  Don’t be part of America’s problem.  Be part of the Final Solution.

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