Pelosi Bill Will Add ‘Facebook Profiling’ Backround Check to Firearms Purchases


Congressional bill FG-5150 is currently making the rounds of the House, penned by Speaker Nancy Pelosi after a recent spate of mass-shootings.  The bill aims to curb the posession of firearms by mentally ill individuals by adding a “Facebook and social-media backround check” before the process of sale can be approved.  The bill is expected to clear Congress by the end of next week.

This slice of buttered cornbread is expected to clear Mitch McConnell’s colon also by the end of next week.

Pelosi’s bill includes an initial budget of $2 billion to form a sub-committee tasked with judging the various posts, comments, and tweets of individuals attempting to purchase any weapon, from a handgun to an assault rifle.  The 16-member committee will flag postings that appear “angrily psychotic”, “openly threatening’, or “fawningly supportive of the Trump administration.”  Both Facebook and Twitter have promised to offer any aid necessary to the panel by use of automated algorithms targeting suspicious individuals.

Wang, tang, suspicious individual.

Pelosi told media in a press briefing that her bill aimed to make America safer in the era of a Trump Presidency :

“The President’s rhetoric of hate and division does nothing but poison the minds of gullible and succeptable members of his cult-like base.  They eventually snap, as we’ve seen over and over and turn to their guns, and innocent people pay the price.  If you can’t stop the Charles Manson in the White House, you stop his glassy-eyed followers.  And that’s what we aim to do.  Guns don’t kill people.  Trumpers do.”

The National Rifle Association has declined to take up a fight against the bill, citing the fact that it’s organization is currently in upheaval between psychotic embezzling management, and psychotic bloodthirsty figureheads.  But one thing is for sure.  Fans of the Second Amendment better watch what they post online before they try to buy that Christmas AK.

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