Poll Finds 77% of Millenial Voters Think Russia Backed Trump


Nationwide intelligence gathering service AmeriCount published results of a year-long poll last Friday, concluding, among other things, that 77% of all registered voters identifying as “Millenials” believe that President Trump is, and was, compromised by Russian aid to win election.  The AmeriCount system has been used in the past to correctly predict the Democratic takeover of Congress, three super bowl victories, and the demise of both Black Widow and Henry Winkler.

But sadly, not Wash. Nobody saw Wash coming.

Republican insiders reacted the poll with alarm, citing that Trump is falling behind a number of Democratic candidates in popularity, and may be in for a rough election season.  AmeriCount’s spokesperson Justin Herass detailed some other results :

“According to our data, 64% of voters believe first lady Melania Trump has performed in pornographic films.  A staggering 92% believe the President is an : ‘outright racist, and 71% see him as : ‘an embarrassment to the country.’  None of this bodes well for a reelection campaign with a record number of registered voters under 30.  It looks like President Trump better ready himself for a return to D-list celebrity status.  If he’s not wearing paper slippers in Leavenworth.”

At least Manefort already started making him an ass-shield out of toothpaste tubes.

A separate poll of Trump supporters aged 70 - 110 found that 93% of respondents believed that Barack Obama has a secret agenda or “deep state” government, 87% think that chemtrails are causing dogs to urinate on their beanie baby collections, and 73% feel that brown people are using food stamps to buy lobster.

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