Barr Finds Evidence Uranium One Deal Included Iran

I KNEW IT!

If Hillary Clinton thought the world forgot about her insidious Uranium One deal, where she sold 35% of our precious Uranium to Russia or something, she thought wrong.  Attorney General William Barr is on the case.

“President Bush, I beg your pardon. No. That’s it. Pardon everyone from Iran/Contra. There’s a good boy.”

Barr is inundated on a daily basis by requests from President Trump to investigate all manner of ridiculous garbage, whether it’s the latest irrational Fox News conspiracy theory, or something Trump’s own dementia-riddled mind invents.  For instance, Barr has also been made to investigate whether or not Sherlock Holmes was real, why pop-tarts aren’t round, and several times, whether or not, for reals, Ivanka is a blood-relation.  The Attorney General acts upon these whims because he’s a pathetic sycophant no matter which President he serves.

“So, what state’s this gonna be legal in, Bill?”

At any rate, Barr was instructed to “investigate” the deal, which barely included Hillary Clinton, didn’t “sell” any actual uranium to anyone, and has long been debunked by rational people who aren’t ridiculous bumbletwats.  Seemingly, Barr saw an opportunity to please Trump, gin up support for an unwanted conflict with Iran in time for election season, and sell paranoid fiction to his base of gullible morons.   Therefore, Hillary sold uranium to Iran too. And it was a big secret.  Somehow.

Barr intends to formally explain his fictional findings on “Fox and Friends” in between Brian Kilmeade saying something unfunny and a commercial for Kaopectate.

The original caption for this photo was: “Brian Kilmeade wonders why we don’t just clear sharks from beaches.” For real.

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