Daytona Speedway To Cut Ties With Nascar: ‘You Don’t Own Racing’

The owners of the Daytona International Speedway have a message for the traitors at NASCAR: You don’t own racing.

NASCAR may have bowed down to the Black Lives Matter movement, but that doesn’t mean racing fans have to follow suit. This year’s Daytona 500 will officially be an unsanctioned event, without any NASCAR logos or sponsors — and with a whole lot of confederate flags.

Daytona International spokesman, Art Tubolls, tells us that this year’s race will be a sight to behold, and political correctness will not be allowed:

“The 500 won’t have any of the standard NASCAR rules and regulations, so we’re looking for it to be a real spectacle. Drivers won’t have to have slogans they disagree with on their cars, and we’re asking that all those with nties to the south and the great sport of driving around in a circle go full General Lee with their paint jobs. We want thoe rebel flags to shine brightly so we can show that it’s about heritage not hate. And if those black folks don’t like it well they don’t have to come.

“The other advantage will be that anyone will be able to come on down and try to qualify. My little brother has a ’65 ‘Cuda with a 426 Hemi he’s been dying to get out on a track. He has no experience, but we’ll be making sure to add lots of fire and EMT crews to clean up the wrecks.”

NASCAR spokesman Joe Barron responded by threatening legal action:

“Well, the problem is, NASCAR may not own racing, but we do own the majority of race tracks, including Daytona. They must have forgotten about that $2 billion we spent in February to add it to our roster. So, your little plan is cute, but we’re gonna need all of you turds to vacate our property and take your loser flags with you.”

They may appear to have the upper hand, but this isn’t over yet. There are lots of campgrounds in the areas around these tracks, and we patriots fully intend to cover our trucks and trailers with the Battle Flag of Northern Virginia. Molon Labe, NASCAR!

About Flagg Eagleton-Patriot 139 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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