Biden Appoints Pelosi Social Security Czar

OH MY GOD.

Folks, this one is quite a bit like trying to pull a pair of Levi’s 501 jeans over the tremendous bulk of Donald Trump’s considerable ass meat.  A huge stretch.  But here it comes anyway.

This weekend during the G22 conference in Queefenstein, Lithuania, President Joe Biden announced some new appointments to important positions within his administration.  The “G22” is exactly like the G20, except with two additional countries added in, Wakanda, and that tiny little island off of Italy where they make the world’s supply of Cadbury Eggs.  Cadburia.

Positions that are now up for confirmation by the Congress and Senate are : Head of Fortnite Driving, which will be handled by Democrat Joe Barron, Director of the Department of Yellow Shit, which will be staffed by Republican senator Lindsey Graham, who is very familiar with urine, and Master of the Universe, which will be transferred from He-Man to Gamera this coming week.

“IF EVERYONE WOULD LINE UP WITH YOUR GYOZA OFFERINGS, WE CAN BEGIN.”

The most controversial appointment, however, is Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi as Social Security Czar.  Those familiar with Pelosi’s former experience with the institution know that the institution is something close to both her heart and her ice cream freezer supply money.

The Speaker accepted her new position with a short speech at the Clumpington Home for the Tragically Boomered.

“I thank President Biden for this appointment, and promise, on the graves of both Rush Limbaugh and Glenn from Walking Dead, that I will steal only that which is registered to citizens with the number ‘5’ in their social security numbers.  Thank you so much.  Mortimer, land the chopper.  I’m ready to leave.”

The appointments stem from some criticism of Biden’s first year activities, during which these positions, left empty by the Trump campaign, were long vacant.  The former leader had filled about 191 positions in his cabinet with donors and professional money grubbers after promising transparency and honesty.  What a colossal dick.