Pelosi Bill Closes V.A., Will Provide ‘Care Vouchers’


Well the good news is that Congress has finally, after impeaching the President, obstructing the wall, propping up useless “green” initiatives, and giving themselves quite the fictional raise, decided to address the problems within the veteran’s administration.  The bad news is that Nancy Pelosi has decided to scrap it altogether in return for providing nebulous “care vouchers.”

Although each voucher does come with a Dairy Queen punchcard. It doesn’t take as long as you think to get past 24 banana splits.

According to the Speaker, the problems that have plagued the V.A. for ages and have been ignored by every administration since its inception have become unbearable, especially when Trump supporters complain about them while propping up the incompetent President who stole over 7 billion dollars from the military for a giant cartoon wall.  Her decision to replace the entire affair should seem familiar to many teabaggers.  Sandy Batt of the Department of Short Attention Spans explains:

“Remember during the Bush years, and then on into the Obama era when Paul Ryan and the burgeoning teabag right wanted to create a health-care system with vouchers instead of actual insurance or something viable?  Same concept.  I mean, these people piss themselves hearing about ‘socialized healthcare’ anyway, the only American example of which, is the V.A.  What could they have to complain about? If an injured vet runs out of vouchers to pay for a prosthetic leg, he’ll just have to pull himself up by one bootstrap.”

With the “one leg” setup, this is normally where a Paul McCartney’s ex-girlfriend gag would go, but I’ve used up my monthly limit. Rules are rules.

According to Pelosi, the move from actual coverage to janky vouchers will save the taxpayers billions of dollars a year, enough to fund the wall as well as a host of green initiatives, some concentrated on using califlour to build new limbs and provide more organic treatments.   It’s a big thing to make shit out of califlour nowadays for some reason.

What do you think of the Speaker’s plan to take better care of our brave men and women in uniform?  Leave us an Oooh rah!

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