Trump Orders FBI to Drop ALL Charges Against Border Militia Leader

President Trump is doing the right thing this morning, ordering the acting head of the FBI to drop all charges against the hero leader of the Border Militia, Larry Lubiner Hopkins. According to Justice Department spokesman, Art Tubolls:

“The man we know as ‘Hard Larry’ is doing God’s work down there, which is more important than some restrictive gun law from a hundred years ago. The President wants the charges dropped to save the country the time and money on a trial when he has already been guaranteed a Presidential Pardon for his good deeds. We need people holding brown folks at gunpoint in this country. It’s what makes America great.”

As a show of good faith to the public, we asked a few people if they agreed with the President’s course of action. Those wearing MAGA hats gave us a resounding yes, 82 percent without bothering to listen to the question — that’s how much they trust him — and literally everyone else asking if it was a joke and if Trump’s team had ever actually read the Constitution.

President Trump has always said he sees the Constitution as a “living, breathing document,” and for that reason, “It can never be changed. Not one word.”

Our President is a wise, wise man. Hopkins is expected to detour from the federal holding facility to the White House, where he’ll be awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom for his efforts to terrify people at the border.

Great job, Larry. God is with you.

About Flagg Eagleton 19 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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