Herizon Warns Defective ‘Obamaphones’ Will Ignite on 9/19

HA HA HA HA POOR PEOPLE!

Remember when Obama gave free phones away to any welfare slob who pushed a cart full of grape soda and pork rinds out the front door of the local supermarket?  Well, as usual, certain kinds of people hear the word “free”and don’t stop to think of any consequences once the socialism has run it’s course.  But according to the communication giant responsible for the construction and service of the devices, a fatal defect that was overlooked in testing will cause at least 91% of them to suffer a battery malfunction resulting in meltdown.

Like Lindsey Graham when they cancelled “Caroline in the City.”

All of this fiction would of course, hinge on the presumption that these phones were dreamt of during the Obama administration, which they weren’t.  As a George W. Bush era program, the devices helped many low-income or disabled Americans keep in touch with family, doctors, and have limited internet access.  But as usual, the obnoxious teabagging horse-humping crowd tried to tie Obama’s name to anything they were dumb enough to be convinced would fail, like “Obamacare”.

Sandy Batt, head of Herizon’s fictional explosions department says the phones themselves will operate perfectly until 9/19, because the date commemorates the premiere of the Mary Tyler Moore show in 1970, a strong independent female figure and therefore the Godmother of the Deep State Illuminati Soros plan.

She could turn the world on with her smile. And turn frogs gay with her chemtrail gun.

Whether or not this warning is true, and it most certainly isn’t, trumptards will still continue to throw references to “obamaphones” into their long-winded speeches excoriating the 44th President who was not a bumbling retardochimp as Trump continuously proves to be.  I’m sure they won’t hesitate to call you on their Jitterbugs to tell you about it.