Burger King Ends Dollar Menu Due to Wage Hike

UH OH!

Everyone’s made use of the special dollar menu.  Hungry, and only got a few bucks?  Not a problem.  Just find your closest fast food place and slide down a few smackers for a quick bite.  A burger.  Fries.  Maybe a quick faux apple pie.

Excuse me, let me just mop up that horrifying bowel implosion right there. Yeah. Hey, have you tried the fish?

That all ends today as Burger King restaurants across the country bid farewell to the popular “dollar menu” often displayed on the bottom right of it’s regular menu.  But why?  Complaints?  Inventory?  Promotions?

The reason why is a much more silent killer of fun and bargains: the fifteen dollar-an-hour minimum wage hike that was voted on and approved by a vast majority of citizens.

Sandy Batt, manager-in-chief of Nugget Molding and Restroom Urinal Cakes for the Whopper giant told the Queefington Post the truth about the death of an old favorite and the introduction of the destruction of American life as we know it.

“Yeah, Burger King doesn’t have a dollar menu.  That’s McDonald’s, and from what I know, it’s still there.  No effect.  When you’re selling a microwaved 8% beef disc or processed potato filler for a dollar by the thousands, you’ll still make a profit.

Nevertheless, the second largest Gobots of fast food has it’s own clever strategy to eke by in the age of Biden having nothing to do with a bill that passed before he was inaugurated.

“What we’re planning on doing is simply making the most of the staff we already have.  Cross-training, reducing hours to make room for other shifts, maybe opening more late-operating locations.  No big whoop.”

“Burger King will still exist into the 2030’s.  Don’t cry, fatties.”

Do they have a ketchup river? Keep your distance.

The McDonald’s corporation had no comment in time for this article.  Rumor has it that their phones were all cut off thanks to having to raise the minimum wage.  Soon every Big Mac will cost hundreds.  This is what YOU have wrought, America.