Pelosi Will Allow Voter ID If Trump Bans Open-Carry


Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi is one tough negotiator.  In the days before the Tea Party arrived on the American political scene, things used to actually get done based on a principle the founding fathers themselves encouraged for exactly that reason : Compromise.  Sometimes a deal between the two parties could be hammered out that would be acceptable and advantageous to America.

Then, borne from the racist underground appalled by a black president and the absolute bottom of the barrel of know-nothing Republican goobers, the teabaggers came, refusing to budge, even when they shut down their own services and denied their own families health care.  Luckily, Pelosi is smart enough to bring back the Art of the Deal.

But not Firefly. You want THAT back, we need to talk about single-payer health care, motherfu*ker.

The offer she’s placed on the table is simple.  She will fund and organize the rollout of a nationwide voter ID card, because we already have registration and ID checks anyway and nearly zero problems with voter fraud, in exchange for a full nationwide ban on open-carry of firearms so that a mom with three kids doesn’t have to be nervous that Limp Bizkit Rambo can show off how tough he is waving his AK around in the Wal-Mart kid’s toys section.  Sound fair?

It would, says psychologist Sandy Batt, except for the fact that teabaggers are now “trumpers”, and think the second amendment leads to a license to murder.

“Teabaggers won’t budge on anything having to do with guns.  They’d rather give up one of their own kids.  Half of them think he amendment is there FOR them to overthrow their country.  Like Adams and Jefferson decided on a self-destruct hillbilly button or something.  It’s a simple reality - people own a gun or two for security and protection.  Teabaggers own 8 pistols and an AR because they desperately fantasize about murdering a human being and getting away with it.  That’s it.  This deal will go nowhere.  Oh well.”

“Hey ma? I’m here in the Washin’ton. Y’all remember where the internet said I kin park the donkey?”

While the White House has not yet responded to the offer, it’s a safe bet that impeached President Trump will turn it down, being the Head Teabag.  At least we can throw him out like his shriveled little namesake in a few more months.

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