If you still think mail-in ballots are a safe and secure way to go like the liberal media wants you to believe and that there’s never been any evidence of widespread voter fraud, it’s time for a rude awakening. Indiana’s freshman Senator Leslie Knope was busted yesterday at the Joe Biden fundraising headquarters located in the town of Pawnee with over 8000 pre-marked ballots, just waiting to be sent.
According to libertarian watchdog official and red meat activist Ron Swanson, the blame lies on a confluence of events within the entire department. The ballots, he says, were delivered last week by Joe Barron Movers, and were intended for filing properly with the division of elections. However, a state employee, identified only as “Jerry” mistakenly signed for the drop off, and assumed they were more “busy work” he’d been assigned to cover for intern April Ludgate, who absolutely hates doing anything involving the names of human beings.
Department head and lead vocalist for rock ensemble “Mouse Rat”, Andy Dwyer, related his view of the catastrophe to the Pawnee Gazette’s Perd Hapley, who often writes for the Pawnee Gazette.
“Okay, so when all those boxes came in, I naturally thought: ‘Wow! Someone’s moving in!’ But it turned out they weren’t moving boxes. They were boxes of paper, which i think is a great idea, because if you put papers in bags, you have to iron them before you can make them into airplanes. Anyway. If I really have to be frank with you, or even beans with you, I kind of missed what happened next because I had to help Ann with her car. I don’t really know much about cars, really, but it wouldn’t start, so I figured it just needed start juice. Which for cars is called ‘gas’. Which, strangely doesn’t go in the keyhole where you’d think start juice would go. Okay. Can I keep this chair?”
Despite the initial controversy, Knope has apologized for what appears to be a simple misunderstanding. It’s a very confusing job to do, when you always have to worry about what those jerks in Eagleton are up to just miles away.