Whistleblower : ‘Biden Gave Stand Down Order in Benghazi’

Benghazi.

It’s a word that causes patriotic conservatives everywhere to fly into fits of rage, describing the terrorist attack in 2012 on four Americans with the ferocity of people who know anything at all about it.  To this day, the word, which refers to the female orgasm in the Libyan language, stirs up visions of conspiracy, imagined ineptitude, and, at times, even space alien interference.

Now, thanks to shocking new testimony by a whistleblower who claims to have new information gained from the former Trump administration, that orgasm may have more fake than fact to it’s tragic tale.

The legendary “stand down” order, presumed to have stopped a rescue operation, and publically admitted to have been completely invented by Fox News as nonsense, is being attributed to former Vice President and current Commander in Chief Joe Biden by the anonymous source, who’s name rhymes with “Dike Pindell.”

Sandy Batt of the Queefline News Service says the revelation is certain to explode teabagger heads because they’re exactly stupid enough, on the whole, to believe it.

“They’ve spent nearly an entire decade now turning a tragedy of four deaths into a conspiracy theory.  It’s disgusting.  Trumptards don’t understand what reality is. Anything that’s been investigated, like Biden’s Ukranian dealings or Hillary’s precious emails, they’re just too idiotic to accept the results of if the end findings don’t match their ‘evil James Bond villain’ fantasies.  It’s really no surprise they fall for a fat con man and his pet pillionaire still to this day.”

The anonymous source of the data has submitted several papers written in crayon to Newsmax and OAN network outlets, with the documents stapled to cocaine-covered bed pillows.

And so, the monster that is Benghazi lives again, revived for the age of Joe Biden with the same ridiculous fervor as a red-hatted grandmother lurching towards a breakfast buffet.  Has anyone woken up Trey Gowdy?