135 Dominion Voting Machines Discovered In Cacahuate, Mexico


With the election of 2020 far off in America’s rear view mirror, nearly all of the lawsuits challenging President Biden’s claim to power have been dropped, settled, or thrown out of court due to laughable claims and lack of any evidence.  There remain some, however, who still believe the false ramblings of a few “lunatics” who think the fix was in.

This man in Cousinhumper, Texas, still thinks his colostomy bag exploding was an Obama plot.

Those bumbletwats may have a point, it seems, as this last weekend, federal authorities unearthed 135 Dominion corporation vote tabulation machines from a tunnel underneath a taco emporium in Cacahuate, Mexico, lending credibility to the mistaken claim that : “there were more votes than voters”, parroted by some on the brain-damaged right.

Agent Sandy Batt of the Federal Chimichanga Task Force was on hand with American reporters to clarify the discovery.

“We were notified of the existence of a suspicious tunnel underneath a business in the village of Cacahuate known as ‘Taco To the Hand’ at 9 a.m. Friday morning.  What we found was what we at first thought were more than a hundred voting machines, all labeled with ‘Dominion’ stickers.

After closer inspection, the machines were found to be prop items stolen years ago from the final season set of the television series ‘Star Trek Deep Space Nine.’  Along with the props were production miniature models of the Defiant, boxes of ‘Ferengi’ makeup, and a scale model dildo of Avery Brooks’s penis.  Paramount security officials were notified.”

Also, at the mention of the words “Avery Brooks” and “penis”, Mike Pence was hospitalized for uncontrolled bouts of salivating.

Authorities say the theft of the materials occurred over 20 years ago on a studio lot, and likely involved a gang of nerds who had become upset with the thought of having nothing better to watch but Voyager. 

In a related incident, public pillionaire Mike Lindell was arrested Saturday in Tijuana by police after he was found wearing a Donald Trump-style hairpiece and attempting to urinate on prostitutes in a brothel. He will be arraigned Monday.

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