Alexandra Ocohoncho-Cortisone has filed a suit in the 67th US District Court of Writs and Warrants against Rudy Giuliani, with Donald Trump and the entire Republican party listed as co-defendants.
The suit claims that all of those people are complicit in “a worthless insurrection that cost people their lives, made America look stupid in front of the world, and cause me and my colleagues undue emotional distress.”
She’s seeking $800 million in compensation she says she’ll donate to COVID relief.
That kind of greed is just unheard of. Doesn’t she understand the good Trump could do with that kind of money?
Cortisone also claims that her life was in immediate danger by an angry mob of “Trumpsters.” GOP lawyer Art Tubolls says she’s obviously crazy:
“Just because they were huddled behind desks and in the upper balcony while angry rednecks busted windows and screamed “we’re coming for you” doesn’t mean she was in any real “danger.”
“She said the gunshot from Ashley Babbit’s death gives her nightmares. Did she even know her? The glove doesn’t fit, and Chewbacca is from Endor.
“Look at the monkey.”
Legal experts from Trump’s defense team say she has no case, and that as soon as they’re done with their mandatory public defender rounds they’ll toss some pro-bono time at ex-president droopy pants.
Alan Dershowitz, who always finds a legal argument to support Trump and keep his pedophilia under wraps, parrotted the Trump team’s argument, shrugging and saying, “I really just don’t care anymore. I’m 82. Just go away.”
That defense is gonna be a tough one to sell, but if anyone can do it, it’s master litigator and perpetual defendant…Donald Trump.