Acting on a request from Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, the United Nations will be sending election security monitors to hundreds of locations across America, starting in September, reported the Potatriot Post Daily. Pelosi cited the requirement after the results of the 2016 contest, during which Hillary Clinton received the most votes, yet her challenger, legally-convicted con man Donald Trump won the electoral vote.
Inspector General of World Voting Chads Joeseph Barron agreed with the Speaker, commenting that the person leading the United States is an important global power, and should not be represented by a chubby schizo D-student with a history of misogyny and early onset dementia.
“We are simply concerned about making sure that the U.S. has a free and fair election. So far, I’m seeing that the most pushback to our presence seems to be from illiterate trumptards, who are desperate to pretend that it’s the Democrats who are running around perpetrating voter fraud, with absolutely no evidence. I think there’s nothing at all that they can’t be convinced is some kind of liberal plot. If we told these morons that George Soros bought the sun, they’d be subterranean mole people within 24 hours. These people are why we laugh at you. Especially the French.”
Despite having a collection of Europeans wearing cologne scented of flowers we don’t have here hanging over their shoulders at the voting booth, Americans in general seem to be fairly comfortable with the idea. An election is a chance for us to exercise our sacred and God-given right to choose our leaders, even if some of us are teabaggers with cobwebbed balls and Facebook pages full of fairy tales from ConservativeDipshit dot com. Hey, there’s always mail-in.