CNN Pre-empts Melania Trump for Abortion Documentary


America’s news network, CNN had been advertising and bragging all week long about scoring an interview with the First Lady, Melania Trump, for one of their nightly “Town Hall” segments this Friday.  Well, at the last minute, management handed down an edict to push aside the segment completely in order to run an hour long documentary titled : “Abortion - It’s Your God-Given Right.”

No explanation was afforded to Mrs. Trump, who was handily presented with a brief apology from an intern, a coupon for a Dairy Queen milkshake discount, and four dollars in cash for local bus fare to the airport.  As an additional slight, the bus that day was completely filled with cosplayers attending a comic book convention, but an independent one that included neither Marvel nor D.C.

Elfquest is the hottest comic that nobody’s read that isn’t in prison.

Joe Barron, the network’s head of liberal indoctrination released s statement explaining CNN’s side of the misadventure:

“When the First Lady arrived, we immediately realized our mistake when she began to speak. It was glaringly obvious that she was unprepared and was working with material far above her understanding.  She had written her speech on her forearm, and constantly pestered our interns for ‘rubbing alcohol to freshen her pudding hatch.’  We felt it was best to pre-empt the segment.  Mrs. Trump is welcome back at any time in the future.  I’m just kidding.  We’ve instructed security to just tell her we’re closed if she comes back.”

Did she leave? I can still smell Noxema on plastic.

The snubbing of Melania is nothing new within the lame stream media atmosphere.  Rival network MSNBC extended a similar invitation in April and then sent her out for coffee and lunch sandwiches when she arrived, later tricking her into locking herself inside a janitor’s closet.  Even Fox News in December switched off every light in their building and forced personalities to hide under their desks when the former Slovenian prostitute approached.  It just goes to show you.

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