Biden To Make Ivermectin Illegal

FINALLY!

Horse deworming wonder drug Ivermectin is truly a gift from above.  With its amazing efficiency against horse worms, donkey worms, and giant sand worms, it truly deserves it’s reputation for beating the sweet living shit out of worms.  And Covid.

Believe it, Velma. If only your cooter had some of that Ivermectin ten minutes ago, hmm?

Now, however, senior citizen fruity pants and President voted “Most Likely to Collapse During a Game of Thumb Wrestling” Joeseph Biden, is planning on making it a no-no, legally, by having it classified officially as a Type One drug, just like Marijuana and Heroin.

Joe Barron, house czar of the Food and Drug administration, says that this manner of partisan foolishness can’t stand and will fall under it’s own ball weight sooner or later.

“Ivermectrin is no more dangerous than your average cumin plant or caraway seed.  Classifying it as type one is a drastic step designed specifically against anti-vaxxer morons in order to make their lives harder.  I mean, harder than they already are, what with having to wear masks and catching a virus that literally any dingbat with a public hair patch of sense is vaccinated against.”

Also left out in the cold are farmers and horse breeders like Sandra Batt of Queefblast, PA, who will have completely wormy ass horses.

“Ah ain’t goin’ ta some dealer or unnergrount figger fer mah horse’s drugs.  That just aint the way ‘Merica is made.  It’s aposta be fer people who aint afraid o nothin.  ‘Specially not worms or no virus named after some Chinese perfessor.”

Professor Ping Ho Hai-Covid was unavailable for a comment as of the publication of this article.

“Chinese doctors are all BAT HUMPERS! buy my pillow.”

The real unanswered question that’s popping out all bloated and fuzzy like the last pickle out of a first-year old jar is this : at this point in the article, how the hell are you still reading?  Did you lose a bet or something?