When you live in a country where tacos are used as face masks during the largest pandemic crisis of the century, it becomes a serious indicator of the need to leave right away. Find safety for your family. Someplace where tacos are used as the hats and bedroom slippers that God intended them to be.
Since the “loss” that President Donald Trump suffered in 2020, the crisis at the border has heated up to boiling. Crossings have now reached the benchmark status of five million illegal immigrants, and Canada is NOT happy.
“The southern border is a goddamn mess,” says Joe Barron, the sheriff of Queefington Ridge, a small border town just above Buffalo, N.Y. “I’ve seen Americans hiding inside potato boxes trying to get across into Toronto. That’s one hell of a tater trick.”
While taco Tuesdays in the United States may not be to blame for this exodus into the northern territories, President Joe Biden certainly is. Somehow.
“The guy told everyone in one of his speechifying events that Canada still has Firefly episodes coming out, and that police let you ride squirrels and drink chocolate beer outside,” remarks Crystal Shanda Lear of Horse Cock, Ontario. “He makes it sound like the whole country is some kind of drunken Dave and Buster’s or something.”
While the American “President” didn’t exactly make any such claims or speak even close to those words, and Miss Lear lives in a trailer park drainage ditch with an inflatable Trump steak as a pillow and confidant.
With over five million fictional Americans crossing the border into the Great White North yearly, the country itself has begun to change, and, some people say, not for the better.
“We have been held up at gunpoint eleven times in the last three days,” says Missy Southard, a transgender proprietor of a close-to-the-border popcorn emporium. “Is getting four dollars really that important to you frigging psychos?”