Pelosi : ‘After Impeachment, I Will Accept The Office of President’

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?

One thing about Speaker Nancy Pelosi.  She’s always thinking ahead.  That detail became blatantly true this afternoon when, at a fundraiser for sea turtles endangered by climate change, the Speaker told a crowd of San Francisco’s most well to-do donors that : “After Trump and Pence are impeached, I will accept the office of the President of the United States.”  Oh, but it didn’t stop there.

Next came a rousing version of “Operation Mindcrime” by Paul Schaeffer and his band. Tell us about the day Billy Squier ate a cocaine sandwich, Anton!

Pelosi made no bones about her hefty political ambitions.  Awash in a room of wealthy supporters and ginned up on Jameson’s, she went on to describe an, evidently, long thought-out agenda :

“On day one, that idiotic wall comes down. We’ll sell it for scrap and add it to the budget.  Then, everything that criminal psychopath Trump put into motion, I will end like it never happened.  In fact, I’ll wipe every government document of his very name.  Then I’m changing the national anthem to “Livin’ On a Prayer”, and gutting social security to pay for green initiatives.  This will be a New America.  A better America.  Better.  Stronger.  Faster.  Hic.”

“Pelosi Speaker of the effin’ House RULES!”

The mostly liberal crowd applauded her speech frantically and offered tributes to Pelosi, who resumed the event atop a specially-made throne with her initials carved into it.  Showered with gifts of new Birkenstocks, DVD boxed sets of “The Daily Show”, and collector’s tins of pumpkin-spiced latte mix, the maybe-soon-Commandress-in-Chief regarded her loyal subjects with aplomb, her mighty eyes slitted as she dreamed of the sweet anarchy to come.

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