Kavanaugh Hints: ‘Supreme Court Will Save the Babies in April’


As the newest member of the Supreme Court, justice Brett Kavanaugh is eager to prove President Trump’s judgement right, and has been particularly attentive to the wants and needs of the real American people.  This morning, the boofing barrister told reporters that he had taken steps to focus the court this coming month on: “saving the millions of babies that we lose every day to a sick Democrat ruling.”

Like having clean air and water. Is it necessary? I mean, Olive Garden’s managed to do alright.

Most political pundits agree that Kavanaugh is referring to the Roe v Wade decision of 1973 which legalized abortion within the United States.  The judge is one among many badly educated American citizens who failed ninth grade biology and believes a collection of cells is a “baby” somehow, and feels the grandiose God-like power of controlling women’s medical decisions is afforded to him by Divine Right.  But is he right, and can he convince the rest of the court to go along with his proposed slide back to Neanderthal life?  Legal expert Sandy Batt opined on her daily radio program Teabaggers Bagging this afternoon:

“It’s probably going to be tough, since in ’73 we decided as a nation that the Bible isn’t a medical textbook and that America should go forward.  Even today, with all the Trumptards blathering about ‘babykilling’ after they suddenly became Christian when a black man was elected President, pro-choice support is still prevalent among the citizenry of the country.  Hopefully, the will of the court won’t succumb to the ramblings of a date-raping zealot.”

Next up on Kavanaugh’s docket - Pants. Should the female be allowed to cover her wares?

Kavanaugh responded in kind, calling in to the Rush Limbaugh show while locking his wife into her chastity cage for the day:

“I will lead the charge to do what God intended - have women complacent to man’s will.  After April, if I order any woman to lay down and roll over, she had better comply by law.  No more liberal ‘equal rights’ nonsense.  This is Trump country now.  Laws don’t matter.  Activist lawyers do.”

Several abortion-related challenges are due to come before the court starting as early as next week.  Kavanaugh has vowed to start playing beer pong as early as possible before the hearings in order to properly get his Jesus fully juiced.  God bless us all.

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