Romney Vote Stops ‘English Only Voting’ Bill in Senate


Narrowly passing through the House of Congress, bill RR-1999 would make it a legal requirement that all government services including voting and registration be carried out in the English language only.  Stalled in a partisan Senate, the final vote came down to one single yea or nay, that of Republican Senator and former Presidential candidate Mitt Romney.  And, true to his sinister form lately, everyone’s least favorite Mad Hatter-day saint cast his line in the “no” pond, sinking the initiative.

Remember the adorable Mormon boy from American Idol? Yeah, his pimp shot him over a heroin deal gone wrong. In New Jersey. On Christmas.

Currently, thanks to long-standing liberal laws, citizens of the United States are able to register and vote in several different languages, with forms available in Spanish, French, Tagalog, and even Chinese.  America is a melting pot and has no official language, which necessitates the polylingual attention.  However, many Republican bigots seem to believe English is required to reside here, despite the fact that the vast majority of teabagging bumbledicks can barely crayon out their own addresses on their Christmas cards to local whorehouse residents.

“Lou Anne! What’s that letter what looks like a hambone? I’m a tryin’ ta spell a sign fer the chicken.”

The Bill’s main sponsor, Republican Senator Joseph Barron of Kentuckabama believes the initiative would serve to stop voter fraud which bears absolutely no evidence whatsoever of happening, but attacking problems that don’t exist out of paranoid fantasy is pretty much rote for idiotic teabag GOP members.  Riles up their racist base and all.

In response to Romney’s no vote, conservative pundits on Fox News have begun a campaign to have the coffee-phobic senator removed from office by sending members of the network’s over 70 audience to his residence and carting him away on rascal scooters to it’s sponsor and personal human mushroom farm, “The Villages”, a retirement community in central Florida where grandmothers and fathers live under curfew, are allowed only approved visitors, and must submit to sudden rectal examinations twice a day.  It’s no Boca.  But like the commercial says, it is : “America’s friendliest home town.”  If “friendly” means “a cheap condo” planted on the landscape from Fallout 4.

Be the first to comment