Pelosi Vetoes Bill to Raise Social Security Payments


Bill 6571b was approved by a majority of the Congress last week, and earlier this afternoon came up for a vote.  With all members present, the bill, which would have provided a cost-of-living increase of 15% to social security payments, was unceremoniously vetoed by Speaker Nancy Pelosi.

As opposed to a very ceremonious Vito. You don’t talk so much, capisce?

As has become well-known, the Speaker has been recently unfriendly towards those dependent on Social Security, fictionally slashing it to pay for her impeachment efforts against President Trump.  When asked for the reason she killed this seemingly harmless and non-existent bill whose name came from my fingers randomly sliding across the keyboard on my Samsung phone while waiting for my 7-layer burrito and three soft tacos at Taco Bell, Pelosi gave the following statement :

“Look.  Obviously, the people upset by me denying this bill are the elderly and boomers.  The elderly and boomers make up Trump’s gullible base.  So, they pay for their mistake.  I just can’t put it any simpler.  Plus, I’m doing them a favor.  They jabber about Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren all like - ‘Socialist THIS and Socialist THAT!’  Well, here I am saving them from socialism.  From their social security.  You’re welcome, douchebags.  Now excuse me, my Bacardi truck is pulling up.”

The ramifications of the bill’s demise will be many, since the Trump administration has actually worked to increase the prices of prescription medication needed by many seniors living on Social Security funding, and the trade war with China is and already has begun affecting the prices of food.  It might not be long before grandma and grandpa are like the gangsta at the table across from mine at Taco Bell, and the co-star of a Ron Jeremy movie  - staring morosely at the beast in their hand and wondering just what the hell kind of monster is being forced into their mouth.

The Crunchwrap Supreme. Look, wrapping a load of crap into TWO tortillas isn’t a genius idea, guys. Why don’t you just set it on fire and shoot it at the customer on the end of a crossbow bolt if you want to kill of your clientele so badly?



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