Mary Leibenstrom is 91 years old. Today, she is sitting outside in the burning Peckerton, Florida sun, hands clasped together, eyes closed, in silent prayer on the outside bench in front of her church, Peckerton’s Our Lady in Defenstration of Christ. Surrounded by nearly a dozen other former parishioners, she has nowhere else to go because the nearest church is over ten minutes away, and her only transportation is a shopping cart with no wheels. A tear drops down her cheek as she recalls federal authorities closing down her place of worship last week when it was brought to their attention that a sermon had been given about the majesty of Donald Trump.
In keeping with the concept of the seperation of church and state in our Constitution, authorities pulled funding from the church last week after learning that Father Joeseph Popinfresh had dedicated an entire two-hour sermon to the Holy Spirit’s guiding of President Trump. One congregant, who wished to remain anonymous, is a liberal killjoy who was apparently offended, and called her local branch of the FBI. Mary believes it was Clarice Schmeckle, a Jew whom the congregation was pestering to accept Jesus.
“Clarice prolly called ’em. She don’t see how President Trump is using the Holy Vengence of God to stop them little brown people from invading our white country. She can’t see how smart he is, neither. He acts dumb, but that’s to throw off Satan. She don’t see that Jesus wants him to stick it to them Chinamen, I mean, except for that little Korean Chinaman. He’s trying to save his soul. This is all the will of the lord. That’s what Father Popinfresh was saying. She never put money in the bowl.”
Father Popinfresh was unable to be reached, as he has absconded with what little money the church had left, and is planning on using it to open a new branch of Trump University in central Florida, where he will continue to teach both the word of Christ and the freedom to con people out of money. May God rain blessings down upon him.