Meet ‘Liberace’, America’s First Transgender Dog


Eleanor and Peter Dix knew something was amiss with their dog Liberace since they adopted him from the Santa Puta, California animal shelter.  He was restless.  Playful, but not in the ordinary way.  Instead of chasing a thrown ball, he’d cuddle up and pretend to nurse it, as if it were a baby.  He’d only interact with other male dogs at the park, shunning the females, and even jealously growling at them if they tried to push in.  When the couple consulted animal expert Dr. Lauren Perrine, they found an odd answer to his behavior : Liberace was uncomfortable as a male, and deeply wished to transition.

Similar to how actor Val Kilmer is transitioning into Earth’s second moon.

Perrine led the couple to the Queefington Hills Veteranary Clinic, where leading animal doctor Justin Hermouf detailed his plan for what would be the world’s first canine genital reconstruction surgery.  Liberace’s male organs would be removed and re-styled into a functioning female reproductive system.  The doctor gave a statement to local periodical the Queefington Hills Airburst :

“Constructing an entirely new canine vagina from scratch is no easy task.  What I did was study a host of female examples : Lassie, Beethoven…my brother’s wife Candice, who is somewhat unfortunate looking.  After visualizing a model, I made a computer-generated virtual vagina, and tweaked it gently until it satisfied my designs.  Surgery took just under three hours, and I’m proud to announce that ‘Libby’ is wide awake, happy, and ready to be the bitch she always longed to be.”

Perhaps even upstaging Kellyanne Conway.

The revolutionary surgery is being hailed by animal physicians as only the first step towards a future of making our furry friends more comfortable with their lives than ever before.   For miss Liberace, at least : that new life is here and ready to be taken.  From behind.

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