Pelosi : ‘Senators Who Won’t Convict Will All Be Investigated’

SICKENING!

Saturday morning marked the beginning this week of the defense portion of the Impeachment trial for President Trump.  As viewers watched on, the President’s legal team mostly played and commented on portions of the Congressional hearings, not really addressing the charges against him or the mountains of evidence that seem to conclusively prove his criminal activity.  It seems obvious that the only Senators who would still continue to make excuses for the professional con man and his ignorance of the Constitution are those who nakedly support their flailing party over their duty to the United States.  It’s this line of thought that prompted Speaker Pelosi to announce that any Senator who does not vote to convict will be thoroughly investigated by federal authorities.

“Oh lord. If they discover I eat human children to keep my flesh from falling off, I’m in trouble.”

Pelosi seems to believe that crooked Senators will have many skeletons in their closets that they’d be loathe to have brought to light, and explained herself to reporters from the Washington Queef Courier:

“Look, the only way to get these traitorous whores to do the right thing is to threaten them with exposure.  Now I can’t give too much away, but I can tell you that Ted Cruz alone makes Bill Cosby look like Mister Rogers.  Everything you suspect about Lindsey Graham is true, but in a somewhat backwards way, which won’t make him any more popular in the clubs.  Roy Blunt?  Look.  I can tell you that Charles Manson had a lot of children, I’m sure, and I’ll just end that thought there.  So.  Do the right thing, guys, or prepare to have your garbage laundered.”

Senator Graham once won an Olympic silver medal for banana juggling.

Some members of the Senate seemed outwardly agitated after the announcement, with at least three seen outside of the chambers smashing their cell phones.  It will be interesting to see if the Speaker’s strategy can result in a verdict of justice at last.