A great man once asked : “Who can turn the world on with her smile? Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?” We know the answer to these questions thanks to her masterful handling of the job of White House Press Secretary during the early days of the Trump Presidency. That smile belongs to none other than Sarah Huckabee Sanders.
Fit, well-rested, and chomping at the bit, Huckabee is back, and none too soon. We’ve seen the press getting more and more out of control during the recent daily briefings, and the strain it’s put on the President. Officials within the administration reached out to the Mistress of Magnetism early this week, and were delighted to receive a positive response, flying her in immediately to fill her old position.
During her time away, Sarah spent time with her increasingly colorful and genetically-unfortunate family, caring for her three children, all of whom suffer from afflictions ranging from Michael Junior possessing only a single misshapen eye, to twins Abe and Vigoda, each of whom were born with legs where their arms should be and long prehensile tails. It wasn’t easy for the beleaguered mother, but she’s always been up for the challenge, and to date, the youngsters have caused only two deaths over the same number of years.
Huckabee told Joe Barron of the Queefington Gazette that she planned to jump right back into the fray with both webbed feet, and plans to premiere her new afro and surgically-corrected elbow meat as soon as Friday, after her new office in the West Wing has been properly converted to contain her unique odor and painted completely black in order to put the parasitic organisms who dwell in her back fat at ease to avoid a repeat of an event last July, where two city blocks had to be contained by federal Fish and Wildlife agents. It all turned out fine, of course, with only minor cosmetic damage to local supermarkets.
It should be exciting to witness the return of an old pro. Look out press-corps, if that is your real name : Sarah’s got her good eye on you.