RGB Says She’s Retiring ‘Five Minutes After the Next Inauguration’

"You know honestly, I'd rather have the cartoon sitting next to me than that sweat-covered blumpkin puddle."

Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg says she’s retiring “five minutes” after the next presidential inauguration — regardless of who is elected. According to her chief spokesperson, Sandy Batt, Ginsberg is looking forward to enjoying the time she has left:

“Justice Ginsberg is no spring chicken. After serving her country for so long, she wants to spend the rest of her time on this earth enjoying herself and spending her days gardening, reading, and wind surfing. She figures she only has another 20 years, and she’s not willing to sit on the bench a single day after this presidential term is over.”

Ginsberg is hopeful that Trump will lose so her seat doesn’t go to another “rapist frat boy” as she calls Bret Kavanaugh. She’s also donating her final year’s salary to several senatorial campaigns so she doesn’t have to worry that Mitch McConnell will refuse hearings on her replacement if Biden wins the election. McConnell has already decided that he’d hold no hearings if Biden wins and would instead “leave that decision to the voters in 2024,” or whenever there’s another viable Republican candidate.

Other members of the court expected to be in their final days include Clarence Thomas, who says he’d have a droid of himself manufactured for his seat rather than have another liberal on the court, and possibly Kavanaugh, who’s considering taking a position as head coach of the Yale University Beer Pong team.

With Ginsberg out of the way, Republicans will be in the clear to enact the will of the American people through judicial rulings. No more abortions. Marriage between a man and a woman only. voter ID. All the things that keep this country ruled by religion and emotion rather than all that fake science and logic. It’s time we got back to being who we are: Christians who don’t care about the well-being of society at large. We want things small and easy to understand with God as our champion.

That’s what America is all about.

About Flagg Eagleton 76 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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