Jill Biden Changed the Name of the Lincoln Bedroom

Jill Biden, the woman currently occupying Melania Trump’s rightful spot in the White House, has done the unthinkable. She changed the name of the Lincoln Bedroom to “The Obama Suite.”

According to Article 7 Section 16 SS 12 of the US Constitution, the First Lady has final say over decorum at the White House. She can do whatever she wants to the building as long as it’s within the budget.

Traditionally, First Ladies have left the basics alone. You don’t do things like rename a room or rearrange Jackie Kennedy’s garden. Some things are sacred. But Jill Biden doesn’t care. She says the new name brings an air of dignity to the place, as if the Lincoln name sullied it somehow.

The name change also comes with new decor. Lincoln’s famous 7-foot-long bed and the armoire he kept his hat in will be moved to the Ford Theater. They will be replaced with a Purple mattress and a 72-inch LED with a hacked Fire Stick. Crews are busy adding ventilation in case the ex-president wants to visit and have a smoke in bed. Michelle has asked to have the desk removed so she has room for a yoga mat.

More of our traditions gone down the tubes, patriots. It’s yet another sad day in America.


About Flagg Eagleton-Patriot 109 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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