Impeachment Begins - Pelosi Orders President Confined to White House


History was made today as the official impeachment trial of 45th President Donald Trump was put into motion by Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.  What shocked many onlookers, witnessed, and members of the media is that the Speaker chose to activate Measure 52-8, in which the President, under fear of being a flight risk, is confined to the White House and it’s grounds for the extent of the trial.

Pelosi has also confiscated the President’s Gameboy so he’s stop fiddling around with it instead of paying attention.

Measure 52-8 has historically never been utilized, and sources are split as to whether it was numbered after the number of women the President has cheated on his wife with vs how many of them were hospitalized for severe syphilis, or possibly the number of alternate universes in D.C. Comics, and reference to “Earth 8”, where Captain Atom and the other heroes that the characters from “The Watchmen” were based on live.  Watchmen author Alan Moore is angry about it either way.

Activation of the measure means that as early as tomorrow morning, the President will be fitted with a GPS ankle bracelet that will sound an alarm should he leave the boundaries of the White House grounds, alerting Secret Service agents who will then recapture the fugitive Trump, imprison him temporarily in a giant steel ball full of rotten goat cheese, and roll him into the rear wing’s detention chamber, as precisely written out in the Constitution.

As the impeachment begins, Americans are forced to decide whether they will support a blatant criminal for no other reason than Fox and some badly-made Facebook memes tell them to, or to excise a corrupt leader from his post to halt his damage to the country.  This will truly be a battle for America’s soul.  Better even than the one at the end of Rocky IV.

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