Good news, patriots. Sources in Florida are confirming that Trump 2024 is officially a go.
According to an employee at Mar-a-Lago who may or may not have personal knowledge of the conversation, Trump was overheard on the phone with Kellyanne Conway telling her to “get ready to make history.”
That history, of course, would be seeing if a disgraced would-be dictator can still get the kind of votes needed to survive in a national election. Many pundits think he can.
The political director for a new network dedicated to Trump all the time says there’s no other possible outcome:
“We know where we went wrong. Next time he loses we have to act immediately and take the whole city, not just the Capitol.”
Critics doubt that approach will work with many moderates, or anyone with an IQ over 74.
Trump himself hasn’t commented, but his followers expect him to give them a message any day now, in the form of a cryptic quote or invented word.
The Republican party is freaking out, of course, because this means their entire primary season will be reliving the Capitol siege, pointing out the bipartisan support for having Trump disallowed from public office, and losing to his crazed lunatics anyway.
Some have left the party to run as independents so they can take the next MTG out before she reaches the hallowed halls of Congress, which have become somewhat less hallowed of late.
In the end, all Trump will really do is secure 4 more years of Biden, which is probably okay in the long run.
Has anyone considered a reset on that whole Tea Party thing? Let’s do that again.
God Bless America.