Trump Blasts Biden’s ‘Skimpy Stimulus Checks’


Had the 2020 election have gone the way many Americans had wanted it to, there might be quite a bit more stimulus aid in our collective pockets right now.  According to former President Donald Trump and his inner circle at the Mar-a-lago resort, the former hero to the uneducated and misinformed had bigger plans.

Besides having his mouth surgically altered to tightly seal around a Russian prostitute’s bladder tube.

Confidant and Buffalo Sabres goalie Joe Barron, explained what might have been the stimulus plan going into action right now, had more decrepit cult nincompoops managed to waddle their ways down to the local middle school and scribbled out a vote for the bulbous maniacal failure.

“Mister Trump has several ongoing lawsuits.  In a plan that would prove of mutual benefit for both his financial safety and the wealth of others, Americans would only need to follow a few simple steps.”

“Donald would like to make a temporary deposit into any average American’s bank account for around $10,000, in order to protect it from legal repercussions.  As a thank you, each citizen would be rewarded by being allowed to keep $2000 for their help, and would only need to pay a small processing fee when revealing their personal banking information.  A toll free number would have been set up for help with the transfers.”

“Sweet Jesus, take it right from my pension! How do I work this confounded Jitterbug thing?”

When several federal investigators asked Barron what the difference was between such a set of circumstances and a popular “Nigerian prince” scam that was prevalent some years ago, Barron responded that they should shut their whore mouths.

Trump’s team reiterated that $2000 was a larger amount than Biden’s $1400, and would provide far more stimulus, and be less temporary, as the former President’s financial grifting crew would be able to set the accommodations up on a permanent, re-occurring basis.

Trump is not expected to do well in his upcoming court cases, based mostly on past scamming attempts and his bad choices in legal representation.  However, his people are stressing that the unique offer may remain on the table, shitty fat President, or not.  Namaste.

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